Mitten Penguins!

My Foray into Savory Baking

I am a dessert baker: cakes, cupcakes, brownies, magic bars, tarts and even the occasional pie. But I saw a recipe for yeast rolls that looked really good and relatively simple so I thought I'd dig up the dough hook for my mixer that I haven't used in the 10+ years I've had it and give it a shot. Here are the results:

These were really tasty fresh and warm, with a little bit of sweetness to them. They were very easy to make, but the 3.5 hours of rising time was a bit much. I know, I know: Patience, Grasshopper.

It's Not a Party Until There's Processed Cheese

The weather was wonderful this weekend and we did a little backyard grilling and games on Saturday night. Vickie brought the leftover Kraft cheese from the barn house weekend. I'll admit it was a little awkward when she put it on the table next to the party snacks.

Sorry, no speakah English

I received a call the other night:

Fortune: Hello?

Telemarketer lady: (in Mandarin) Are you the head of household?

Fortune: Sorry, I don't understand Chinese

Telemarketer lady: Oh. (hangs up)

I had to laugh, because if Telemarketer Lady actually took a second to think about my response, she'd realize that the only way I'd know she was speaking Chinese is if I understood it.

Then I waited a few minutes in fear that she would call me back and call me out on my subterfuge. She didn't.

Strangers on a Train

Uptown 1 train. I couldn't resist taking a photo of this man in an orange fleece outfit.

The Toilet Paper Doesn't Lie

I generally go over to see my sister and the kids a couple of times a week. They have two bathrooms in their apartment and it's pretty random which one I use. However, without fail, and regardless of which bathroom I use, I always end up with an empty or near-empty roll of toilet paper. It's uncanny.

The other night I unexpectedly stopped by after dinner and suprise(!) there were about 5 sheets of toilet paper left on the roll. I mentioned it to my sister and she responded, "You know, I noticed that earlier today, but I didn't think you were coming over. I guess the toilet paper doesn't lie."

Return of the Native

I recently spent a few weeks traveling in Asia. As usual, it was a great trip and I got to spend a lot of time with my family. Also as usual, I toyed with the idea of moving to Taiwan. Like the majority of non-American cultures, it is extremely family oriented and seems so much more laidback. I could easily live with my family, work some random job (English teacher, perhaps?) , hang out with my family all the time (I have a gaggle of cousins around my age there) and spend my free time traveling. Plus, I'd eat well and cheap. I think the 15 cent pot stickers might be one of the most delicious deals ever. But like the idea of moving back to MN, the weather is not conducive to happy living, and there is the language issue.

Besides, I can't deny how much I love New York City. It is my birthplace as well as my city of residence for the last 15 years. Coming back from two weeks with a homogenous population, I was not struck by how diverse this city is, but by how many weird people there are here. Maybe it was my jet lag-induced delirium, but my first subway ride since getting back from my trip almost gave me a panic attack. Every single person on the train looked like they could potentially get up and stab me. Seriously. It takes leaving the city to realize how many NOT okay people there are here.

I have since readjusted and that insulated layer that lets every New Yorker become desensitized to the craziness is back in place. I am still keeping an eye on people who might stab me though...

New Additions

Happy Holidays!

Here's a portrait of my super secret holiday craft project: glove animals.

Happy Holidays!

From the Desk of the Only Fortune Cookie in the U.S., The Sequel

I got forwarded this new site: http://www.pokemyname.com/

It tells me that one in every 8.360 Americans has my first name and it is the 1151.st most popular name in USA, behind Elwood and Garland. I barely beat out Dinh and Kris.

That was a bit disturbing. (Elwood? Really?) But I am still confident I am the only person in the U.S. with my first and last name combination.

The fun thing was that the site also spelled my name out in Braille, Morse Code and Marine Flag!

Spare some change?

I cleaned (okay, fine, I started to clean) my apartment this weekend, and I noticed that I have loose change everywhere. On the floor, on any major surface, in every room. Including the bathroom.

I am not sure how this happens, as I'm not rolling in the dough, or throwing my money this way and that as soon as I get home. I suppose part of the problem is that I am lazy and will not expend the energy to pick up a penny from the floor. However, I will stop to pick up a quarter--I need it for laundry and all.

So now I am on a mission to pick up all of the coins I find in my apartmnet. My estimate is it will total between $3.00-$5.oo--mostly in pennies and nickels.

I will keep you updated...

Out of Office Reply

Fortune Cookie is currently in Canada: http://fortunetravels.blogspot.com/

Higher Learning Gets In My Way

I'm all for higher learning, and I realize that I was once a new freshman undergrad with nary a clue, recently moved to New York City. But that was years ago and now I'm older, jaded and holding too many degrees.

The school year has started once again, and that means that my neighborhood is overrun with bewildered undergrads. Last week was Columbia University's new student orientation. I saw many packs of 18 year olds in matching colored t-shirts wandering around the neighborhood and blocking my entrance into the grocery store. And last night I ran into the market to pick up some fruit and the line was ridiculous! Again, I blame the undergrads. Grrrr.

Maddog asked why the NYU kids all had on matching purple t-shirts (apparently they do that at NYU too.)

My sister explained that it was kind of like how she wore her red summer camp t-shirt to camp every day.

Maddog responded, "They're all in camp too?"

Kind of. But with fewer singalongs and more drinking.

Baby and Mama Cupcake

Dispatch from Bike School

It's Summer Streets in Manhattan, which means that for three Saturdays in August, a few miles of avenue are closed to traffic and open to bicyclists, runners, walkers, loiterers, etc.

They are also offering free bike lessons for adults and kids.

Now, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I don't know how to ride a bike. (No, really, I never learned when I was a kid.) I had my first bike lesson in Minnesota last summer, and figured that I might as well have lesson #2 this year. (I realize that at this rate, I will finally be riding a bike around age 56 or so.)

Overall, I think the lesson went well. They took the pedals off the bikes so we could work on our balance and coasting. We went back and forth over a stretch of slightly sloping road in front of the courthouse. I had my good moments where I felt like I was getting the hang of it. And then there were the other moments where I was not getting the hang of it. I didn't graduate up to pedals. I probably could have, but I didn't want to rush it. I think with a few more lessons, I'll actually be able to ride a bike.

HOWEVER, the biggest lesson learned today? Biking hurts like a mother. The bike seat is not kind to one's tenders. Especially when one is shifting their weight back and forth while learning to ride a bike. I hurt. I suspect I will still hurt tomorrow (wimper.)

From the desk of the only Fortune Cookie in the U.S.

I've seen this site before, but it's given me endless entertainment today: http://www.howmanyofme.com/search/

According to this site, there is only one person in the U.S. with my name. I am going to assume that they are referring to me.

Strangely enough, a few of my friends were listed as not 1, but "1 or fewer" in the U.S. That seems to minimize their significance, especially as we know that each is a solid, full-fledged (and quite wonderful) person. With the right to vote, to boot. Perhaps they are not a +1, but they are unquestionably a 1.

White Castle + Blood Donations = Not Okay

Just saw this new announcement on my work's intranet page:

During the summer months there is a critically need for blood products. Please take the time to schedule an appointment. Win a "free" coupon from White Castle for a burger, chicken, or fish sandwich when you donate in August.

I mean, really? I realize there is a great need for blood donations and I'm happy to give up a pint. But aside from the typo in the announcement, we work at a hospital and they are giving out free White Castle? Gross. There's not even a White Castle anywhere in the vicinity. AND, you can win a free coupon--that doesn't mean you'll definitely get one.

Regardless, I don't think it is part of eating right 4 my type anyway.

Addendum: HMH also noted that to add insult to injury, a White Castle burger only costs, like, 23 cents. Now I feel particularly valued for my blood donation.

NOT a True New Yorker

I went to the TimeOut NY website today in search of some good summery activities. The website is not the most user-friendly (read: too much stuff, yet not easy to find) and I got distracted when I came across the "Are You a True New Yorker" quiz.

I am a sucker for personality tests.

Now, I have lived here for the past 15 years. I like to think that I've been around the city block a few times. I was not concerned about my New York-ness. Hell, I lived here during 9/11, the blackout, the transit strike, that guy with the tiger in his apartment and before Williamsburg was completely overrun with dirty looking hipsters. Even before Target came to the 5 boroughs, for god's sake.

After answering all of the questions (and there were several pages of them), what was the verdict?

I was one step above a tourist.

WHAT!?

Needless to say, I was deeply offended. I mean, really, WTF?

Here's a sampling of questions:

• Have personal waterbug and rat horror story. CHECK.
• Be unable to leave the house in the morning without watching NY1. (I heart Pat Kiernan.) CHECK.
• Adopt a piece of furniture you found on the street. CHECK.
• Go to the Bronx for something other than a baseball game. CHECK. (shout out to SMark in SoBro!)

Those are fair questions, right? Well, I think these are the ones that demoted me to almost a tourist:

• Order what the people sitting at the next table in the Chinese restaurant are having—without knowing what it is. I'm Chinese, I know what the hell to order. IN CHINESE, IF NEEDED.

• Buy an umbrella that's just gone up in price to $10, and then leave it in a cab. Point #1: See above regarding NY1. Which means that I watch the weather on the 1s. So I know when it's going to rain and thus bring an umbrella. Or use the one I keep at work just in case, thus avoiding the need to buy an overpriced, poor quality umbrella from a man selling them out of a grandma cart. Point #2: I don't leave shit in cabs. I always look back as I'm exiting.

• Be approached by a heroin addict on a bicycle pretending to be a PA on a commercial shoot who has no money to get to work—and be impressed enough with his hustle that you don't mind forking over 15 bucks. Again, I must exclaim, WTF!?
  

Worm Update: Harvesting Worm Excrement

Well, the time had come to harvest compost from the worm bin. It's been many months since I first got the worms. We had our ups and downs and a few casualties along the way. Luckily there were no tears, at least not on my end. Harvesting compost is not quite as straight forward as people make it seem. Sure, there's a good amount of compost in my bin, but there are also worms that are very sloooooooow (or perhaps just resistant) in moving over to the other end of the bin, and there are bits of newspaper and things that aren't fully decomposed. It took a little extra time to clean it up, but I got some!














I know it's technically worm poop, but this stuff smells really good, like the best kind of soil you can find. I mixed it up with regular soil and put it as a top layer of some of my plants. I am a little nervous since over-fertilizing can easily burn plants to death, but I am hoping this will just make my plants even happier than they are now. We should find out in a day or two...

A Good Pencil is Hard to Find

I'll be honest, I don't really want to be at work. It's been a tough few weeks since returning from Road Trip 2008. I've had some serious post-vacation depressive disorder.

One of the things I'm working on at work is an audit. I have forms to fill out and double check against other documents that then get filled into an electronic form. It is as tedious as it sounds, even for someone as OCD as I am.

I decided that it would be best to use a pencil to fill out the forms since I'm not entirely sure what the hell I'm doing. I don't want to commit to ink. But I've realized that it's hard to find a good pencil in the office these days now that I'm no longer in grade school. I started out using one with refillable lead, but the lead kept breaking after every word. Then I tried an old school pencil, but I require a very sharp tip at all times (back to the OCD) and it is counterproductive for me to be sharpening my pencil every 2 seconds.

I looked around in our supply closet and although there were enough post-its to wallpaper my apartment, there was nary a pencil. Finally, my resourceful admin. assistant managed to scrounge up an automatic pencil she had snagged from another department last year. Crisis solved!