My, what large optic nerves you have!

I went to the optometrist last night. I got some nice Alain Mikli frames at a sample sale a few months back and really needed to get some lenses into those babies. The optometrist was pretty nice, and the good news is that my already terrible vision has not gotten worse. Whew. HOWEVER, she told me that I have "large optic nerves." WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! For godssake, I've worn glasses since the fifth grade. That's a whole lot of eye exams I've had in my lifetime and not one person has mentioned these monstrously sized optic nerves of mine!? And you'd think that since they are so large, I'd see BETTER not worse, right? SIGH.

And so Miss Optometrist in the crocheted fishnet sweater and ivory wide-wale cords suggested I get my pupils dilated. For the low price of $40 which my insurance doesn't cover. AND, I should go to some other place to get my field of vision tested to make sure my peripheral vision is okay. I'm pretty sure my peripheral vision is just fine since I live in NYC and have senses sharp as razor blades. I pretended I was going to get all of those things done. At a later time.

Oh, and back out in the waiting room, there was this guy sitting there as he waited for his pupils to dilate. He looked pretty unhappy. I may have smirked at him, but he couldn't see me anyway.

P.S. I got those new lenses. Ultra-thin. Ultra-expensive. But I bet I'll sure see really well!

Missing!

Things have been mysteriously disappearing:

Exhibit A: I babysat the kiddies last Friday night, and since I knew I'd be running around chasing them on wood floors, I took my socks off and placed them neatly beside my bag. Dirty Cookie & Sonya came by also. At the end of the evening, I went to put my socks back on and they were missing! I couldn't find them anywhere. My brother-in-law even helped me look for them.

They were not to be found.

Maddog made the following suggestion, " Why don't you look inside your shoes? Sometimes I take my socks off and put them in my shoes." Good advice, but my socks definitely were not in my shoes. I texted Dirty and Sonya in case they "accidentally" stole my socks, but they claimed to have no part in it.

Exhibit B: This morning I meandered over to the office pantry with my green plastic cereal bowl, ready for some snap! crackle! and pop!. I open the fridge (as one of my weird coworkers is asking me about our dental insurance--she obviously doesn't realize that the worst time to talk to me is when I'm scavenging for food) and my carton of milk is missing. WTF?! I recall putting it back in the morning before, and it was still half full.

Two of my coworkers even double checked the fridge for me.

I have no logical explanation for these missing items. But now I have one less pair of socks and I won't be eating any cereal today. Boo.

OMG, MEATBALLS!!!

This past weekend was the Meatball Championship Series, hosted by our very own Aaron (ala Easter Bunny fame).

There were a total of nine contestants, entering various forms of meatballs (standard Italian, Swedish, weird vegetarian, nouveau cuisine, etc). The meatballs were judged in pairs, by a panel of 3 randomly selected judges (I won't go into detail, but we'll just say that some of the judging panels were, er, interesting...).

Winners from each of the four heats went onto the second round. Aaron actually went head to heat, mano a mano, against his very own father. It was a little intense.

And then it came down to the FINAL ROUND: Aaron (traditional) vs. Galapagos (nouveau). And the winner........

Not totally unexpected, but worthy of the meatball trophy.

But wait! There was still the AUDIENCE FAVORITE....

Whew. I hope that prevented any family drama.

Folks, there sure were a lot of meatballs eaten that day. I was actually in Costco the next day and it seemed as if everyone in the store was buying enormous bags of Italian meatballs. It almost made me vomit a little.

The unhappiest of happy hours

Well, our worst fears have been realized:

Last night was Wednesday night happy hour, as usual. But not only was the bar unusually empty on such a cold evening, but BFF was nowhere to be seen and some guy we've never set eyes on before was behind the bar. Suspicions were raised.

So I ordered my drink and asked him where BFF was. He replied along the lines of, "BFF doesn't work here anymore."

Um, excuse me, but WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY!?!

We were in shock. So many questions came to mind: When? Why? Was it from all of that free chocolate and booze he was giving us? Did he move on to bigger and better things and didn't think to mention it to us last week? Did all of the other bartenders get fired? What are we going to do on Wednesday nights now? And we were just two weeks shy of our one-year anniversary with BFF. Sniff, sniff.

Well, according to America's Next Top Model, our least favorite bartender from the good ol' days, BFF had an altercation with one of the owners (perhaps because of his business plan for opening his own bar downtown) and got fired this weekend.

Now, I will give ANTM credit because our tab at the end of the night was BFF-worthy. Not sure if she did it out of pity from seeing our devastated faces all evening or in an effort to keep business going.

So, if anyone has a good suggestion for where to go next Wednesday night, they are gladly appreciated!

Return of the colon!

I'm sure you were all waiting with bated breath for my 'scope results. All is well and no more fasting for this cookie for another 5 years!

Afterwards, my sister picked me up and took me to her house, where I proceeded to eat as much as possible to make up for the day of fasting. I have to confess, I ate leftover superbowl snacks for breakfast: buffalo wings, celery and carrot sticks with blue cheese dressing. This was at 9:30am. I continued to eat massive amounts of food, and now I feel a little gross.

Good times!

Eating like there is no tomorrow

I'm going to overshare just a little bit today. I am having a colonscopy early tomorrow morning (no worries, it's just standard screening.) This requires me to fast from 11am until tomorrow. Liquid diet only. And around Superbowl kick-off I will be drinking some disgusting stuff that will totally clean out my system. (Aside: I read somewhere that your large intestine can hold up to 9lbs of roughage at any given time. Ew.)

Anyways, I went to bed late last night, which made me sleep late this morning. But this whole fasting for almost 24 hours has been worrying me. I'm a grazer: I normally eat every 2 hours or so. And I do get hangry. So I forced myself out of bed at 10am this morning just so that I could eat as much as I possibly could in that hour: leftover pizza, a granola bar, some chips, and with 10 minutes left before the fast was to begin, I ran out to get a bagel with cream cheese.

I feel full now (considering the amount of calories I've consumed), but I feel like I should hide all of my food so I don't accidentally eat a whole bag of Sun Chips or something...