Fortune Cookie

Birthday Princess

2012-01-07T10:04:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday to me!

R.I.P. Hammy the Hamster

2011-11-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

Hammy the Hamster didn't make it to Thanksgiving. He was deteriorating quickly: not eating a lot, napping after every few steps, and shaking like he had hamster Parkinson's. We were all going away for Thanksgiving and AuntieLyce was going to watch him. Needless to say, she was very nervous Hammy was going to die on her watch.

The week before Thanksgiving Hammy passed quietly in his sleep. It was a sad time for us all and there were tears. He was buried in a pot and a small pine tree was selected to be planted over him.

Rest in peace, Hammy. You will be missed.

Pet Emergency 911!

2011-10-25T13:36:00.000-04:00

Maddog has had Hammy the Hamster for over 2 years. He is a good hamster, even if he doesn't care for me that much (which I will never understand since I take him out in the exercise ball and don't run around with him in my fist yelling "HAMMY!!!!" like the kids do.)

Well, Hammy is getting old--he is over 70 years old in human years. The average lifespan of a hamster is between 2-4 years. So basically, he could go in the next 2 minutes or the next 2 years.

Lately, he hasn't been his usual self. Maddog noticed he had a scratch on his belly. Her mom contemplated giving him some ground up antibiotics or putting some Neosporin on it. I suggested she Google that first so as not to kill him with her medical care. Calculating a dose of Cipro for a hamster can't be that simple.

Today he went to the vet, and it turns out ($245 later) he had multiple open sores on his belly--possibly from mites (and subsequent scratching). So now poor little Hammy needs to take antibiotic drops, painkiller drops, get his sores cleaned daily, and have ointment put on them twice a day.

Hopefully this will take care of everything and he will be back to his good old self soon enough. In the meantime, Maddog has been giving him extra treats because she "wants to make sure he lives a good life" and is happy.

I'll keep you posted on Hammy's well-being!

(plant) Babies!

2011-09-28T22:57:00.002-04:00

I received this succulent plant years and years ago from my friend Carina. It was part of a magnet souvenir from a trip she took to the Southwest. Somehow, the plant never died and instead grew steadily. However, every few years, after a cycle of being robust and happy, it gets on the verge of dying. But this little plant is extremely resilient and it eventually bounces back and starts growing babies all over again. Hurray!

Images from home

2011-09-06T12:04:00.000-04:00

Sweet, sweet Bakers Square French Silk Pie.
We ate it all. Sometimes for breakfast.

You have to love the ridiculousness of this cake.

Peppermint Bon Bon!
I think MN is the only place that calls it that.
To everyone else it is mint chip.

Many hours of my childhood were spent here.

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

2011-06-17T15:53:00.002-04:00

I took a tumble last weekend while pushing my grandma cart full of laundry back home. The cart hit a rut in the uneven pavement and went flying. I, in turn, flew after it into the street.

Don't worry, I was fine. Picked myself up and my laundry and trudged back home, disgruntled. Now, I am very easily bruised--if you look at me too hard a bruise will form. I am also a hyper-pigmenter, so I had a feeling things were going to get UGLY. And they did.

Funny enough, it happened so fast, I didn't totally remember how I fell. But since my entire upper body is unscathed, I deduced that my lower body took the fall. I think my legs fell on top of the cart and then I just rolled off. No bracing myself with hands or arms or head. This seems to be confirmed with the cart grid lines visible through the bruises. It makes me laugh and cry to look at it.

I iced some of the bruises the first day and have been religiously putting arnica ointment on it. So far, so good! Things are healing along:

Day 3

Day 5

Close up. Note the gridlines from the cart.

Day 11

Day 21. Barely any trace of bruise left!

The Rooster

2011-04-10T19:20:00.000-04:00

Virgin Island wild fowl.

I recently visited the US Virgin Islands. As expected, it was warm and sunny with beautiful beaches. It was also full of wild chickens and roosters (and donks!). I was under the impression that roosters only crow in the mornings. I learned the hard way that I was completely wrong.*

The damn roosters on St. John crow all day. And all night. The first night they kept me up all night, but eventually I got used to it. And then when I got home, the crackheads on my block kept me up instead. Sigh.

*According to Wikipedia, "Some roosters are especially vociferous, crowing almost constantly, while others only crow a few times a day. These differences are dependent both upon the rooster's breed and individual personality."

NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

2011-03-18T12:45:00.000-04:00

It's Girl Scout Cookie time!

I have learned a few things about Girl Scouts and their cookies that I did not know before:

Each Girl Scout council develops the procedures and guidelines for its cookie activities, including the dates when you can order or purchase cookies and the price you will pay per box. A council conducts only one cookie sale per year. Most of these activities take place between January and April, but some occur as early as September.
It is estimated that 200 million boxes of Girl Scout Cookies are sold per year.
70% of sales goes to the Girl Scouts, 30% goes to the bakers.
There are different licensed bakeries (and by bakery, I mean large company, including one owned by Keebler) and these baking companies can offer up to 28 varieties.
The same types of cookies are sold under different names by different bakeries and it is up to the Scout troop to determine the name (thus "Samoas" are the same as "Caramel DeLites").
Thin Mints are most popular (25%) followed by Samoas (19%). [These are my two favorite kinds.]
In 2008, a 15-year old from Dearborn, Michigan sold 17,328 boxes of cookies. This was the all time record. And that is a lot of cookies.

The Many Cakes of Birthday

2011-01-07T22:45:00.001-05:00

At my office we have a monthly birthday calendar. Recently, more and more coworkers have gone covert and asked to be removed from the list. For January, two people have done so leaving me as the sole January birthday. And you know what? I like my birthday. And I like people knowing it's my birthday. I don't work at a place where all my coworkers come up as a group and sing "Happy Birthday" with an accordion accompaniment. There is not much hoopla except for a few kind birthday wishes and emails.

Maybe I just like the attention.

Regardless, this was a more low-key birthday week than usual, yet I received more birthday cake (and key lime pie!) than this cookie can consume.

Project File: last minute tree ornament

2010-12-12T19:45:00.001-05:00

I was invited to tag along to a holiday party this weekend. I found out the day before that we were supposed to bring an ornament for the Christmas tree. I panic under such short notice.

Luckily, I have way too much stuff in my apartment, including a large bag of glove animals in various sizes. I decided to string one up. I must say, extra fine merino wool mini penguin was a big hit!

The House Rabbit Society Welcomes You

2010-12-10T18:00:00.000-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows I love bunnies. I'm not ashamed. I had two rabbits: Mr. Bun, the 17lb albino during junior high, and Annabelle, the black and white lop eared sweetie. Both were great, had their own personalities, and both had sweet tooths (one for Danish butter cookies, the other for chewy candies that were not orange flavored.) I loved them both dearly.

And because everyone who knows me knows I love rabbits, they love to give me things with rabbit themes. I embrace them all.

Today I was toting my oversized canvas grocery bag with a bunny silkscreened on it, and this kooky looking older lady (why do they always have frizzy hair?) comes up to me on the subway platform and asks if I have a rabbit. I say I used to have rabbits, but not anymore. She then proceeds to tell me that she is a member of the House Rabbit Society and she owns 4 rabbits. Plus a dwarf. As if that poor tiny dwarf rabbit does not count as a real rabbit?

I replied, "That's nice" and ran onto the opposite train.

The Worst Gift To Ever Have To Give

2010-11-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

Recently, a lot of loved ones of my loved ones have passed away. I didn't know these people personally, but they were parents, grandparents, and other family members of my dear friends.

And so I've been purchasing sympathy baskets more often than wedding presents this year. It's a little weird. And sad. It is also very difficult purchasing that kind of gift. I know, it is purely a thoughtful gesture, but right now I am perusing Godiva Chocolate's "Sympathy" section and it is a hard decision which box of chocolates to send. Is the $50 truffle selection enough? Too much?

Also, last week my coworker's father-in-law passed away and they received a ton of food while sitting shiva. They couldn't eat it all so she brought some of it into work. I have to admit, it felt a little uncomfortable eating chocolate chip poundcake that existed only because someone had died.

To Do...At the Bottom of the List

2010-10-30T22:31:00.000-04:00

Full disclosure: I do not floss regularly. (I do brush my teeth at least twice a day.) So I was not surprised when I went for my 6 month teeth cleaning last week and the dental hygienist said to me, "You don't floss."

My response? Surprisingly, not guilty embarrassment. I think I'm getting too old for that. I said to her, "Maria, no, I don't floss. And you know what? I have a long list of things I have to do regularly: taking my meds and daily vitamin, exercising regularly, wearing sunscreen every day, moisturizing, going to all of my regular doctors appts, etc. Flossing is just low on that list and will probably never move up."

She didn't exactly laugh, but she seemed to understand. "You should still floss, but at least you come every 6 months for a cleaning so it doesn't get too bad--but it still doesn't replace flossing."

Don't worry, Maria, my next cleaning is on my To Do list.

Psych(ic) Evaluation

2010-10-29T14:11:00.000-04:00

Last September, Vickie and I stopped by to see a psychic in downtown Brooklyn. She was recommended to us. I have to say, she was pretty good--definitely better than some of the $5 psychics in the East Village. She didn't really say too much of significance, some things were on point, other things were not (beware of someone named Lisa.) But I do remember she said I would be traveling, and I would be going to Florida.

"FLORIDA!?!?!" I exclaimed.

Sure, tons of people go there, and I travel a lot, but at the time I'd only been to FL once in my life and had no plans to go again.

Fast forward almost exactly one year later:

Interesting, no?

Hardwired

2010-10-18T16:23:00.000-04:00

I took E$ and Maddog to the aquarium at Coney Island. We went to the sea lion show. I look over and the nephew is sitting quietly on the bleacher with his hands in his waistband. Such a guy thing, even in a four year old. Boys really are hard wired to be boys, aren't they?

I am becoming that friend...

2010-10-18T16:22:00.000-04:00

You know, the flaky one. Who forgets your birthday. And never texts you back.

Since I've given up my Moleskine planner and went electronic with the iPhone--I know, I never thought it would happen either, but I just can't carry all that stuff around. I'm trying to simplify my life--I keep forgetting people's birthdays, and things that I've had planned weeks in advance. It's not a huge deal (I always make it to events, and belated birthday wishes are better than none at all), but I like to be on top of things. I am also terrible at returning texts now--I read them and forget to go back and respond. Why? Sure, I'm busy as usual, but I think my iPhone offers too many distractions. Like Boggle. Harbor Master. And Pocket Frogs. Sweet, sweet, Pocket Frogs. The biggest time suck in my life right now.

I don't have a great solution. The iPhone is here to stay, as my memory slowly and quietly fades away. I guess I just have to be more mindful? And perhaps set better reminders in my calendar...

The Curious Case of the Diseased Hand

2010-10-15T14:49:00.001-04:00

Labor Day Weekend I went upstate to my favorite farm for some produce picking. Apples, corn, plums...We picked some fresh corn, one of my most favorite things to eat. It was pretty tight in the corn field and I had to push stalks out of my way to get through.

Well, I noticed later I had some scratches on my hand and arm, but didn't think anything of it.

And a few days later (when I went to Disney World) the rash started. First it was small red dots on my hand--not raised or itchy or painful. Just red marks all over my hand. These marks looked worse but never felt worse. I looked like I had a weird skin disease. Ew. I shuck and eat plenty of corn without harm, but was it possible I'm allergic to corn pollen???

I wanted to get to the bottom of this so I went and saw a dermatologist.

1. After explaining what happened, she said she had never seen anything like that. Comforting. It wasn't a corn allergy, but more of a mild poison ivy-like skin reaction, minus the insane itching. So either the oils on the corn leaves irritated my hand and caused an inflammatory response, or I got micro-lacerations that got irritated.

2. The spots had darkened so my hand looked like that of a 75 year old, minus the wrinkles. Or that I had some henna that went horribly wrong. The derm said these spots would not go away quickly, that the inflammatory response on my hand hyperpigmented. Super. I'm going to walk around with old lady hand for the next several months. I made extra special effort to exfoliate and use fade cream. It's been almost two months and the marks are very, very faint. Definitely more like light freckle than weird skin disease. Whew.

3. I got tested for allergies. The results were no big surprise: very allergic to birch pollen (spring allergies, plus the non-citrus tree fruits), ragweed (fall allergies), cats, and dustmites. The macadamia nut allergy didn't come up at all, curiously. But when I told her about it, she thought it was strange I was only allergic to macadamia and no other type of nut. I am supposed to avoid them. Unlike the fruit allergy, which is just itchiness but won't kill me, the macadamia nuts could in theory close my throat and kill me. This saddens me, since I LOVE macadamia nuts. LOVE them. (aside: I asked if it was a common allergy and she said macadamia nuts are expensive so fewer people eat them, and thus less data on it. I felt like there might have been some judgment there, like I am some bourgeois nut connoisseur or something.)

R.I.P. Composting Worms

2010-10-15T14:20:00.003-04:00

OBITUARY

Composting Worms

2008-2010

Fortune Cookie's composting worms died this summer from natural causes--the multiple heat waves that hit NYC were too much for them. In their brief two year lifespan, the composting worms generated several cups of compost (a/k/a "black gold"), which the plants in the apartment greatly appreciated. The worms enjoyed strawberry tops, carrot shavings, and mesclun. Like their caretaker, they were not huge fans of frisee. These worms will always be remembered, even after they are replaced by a new batch.

No services will be held.

State Pride

2010-10-06T14:43:00.001-04:00

It's fairly obvious that I am overflowing with state pride. I love my home state of MN, quite possibly because I haven't lived there in 17 years, but also because it is a great state with the BEST. STATE FAIR. EVER. I have impressed people with my knowledge of MN facts (state bird: loon, state flower: lady slipper, land of 10K lakes, home to companies such as Target, Hormel, General Mills, 3M--you wouldn't have Post-its if it weren't for MN...)

I also love NY, which is my birth state and residence of the past 17 years. (But really, who doesn't love New York or at least the city?)

Well, last month I went to Texas. I have to say, Texas pride is overwhelming down there. Texans love Texas like no others love their state. It's almost scary, and it makes me feel like a poser for all my state pride. I haven't been able to figure exactly why they love Texas so much. The Bush family? Oil? Cattle? Football? Texas Toast?

ADDENDUM:
Another thing I have noticed is that people from Utah do not have a lot of state pride. I met three different Utah-ans this summer (after my trip out there), and when I found out they were from the beehive state I exclaimed, "I LOVED Utah! It's such a beautiful place!" Only to be looked at incredulously. Now, if someone said to me that they loved MN or NY, I would respond, "Me too!"

WANTED: cultural curator / personal assistant

2010-10-06T13:16:00.000-04:00

I can't keep up. I just can't.

One of the perks of living in New York City is that there are a million and one things to do at any given time. We are the city that never sleeps. (Which isn't to say, when I really need an idea for something to do, I can't think of anything awesome.) And in addition to keeping abreast of those activities, there's always new music, art, shows, etc. to follow. Oh yes, and the news. Current events are always good.

So I'm on at least a dozen different mailing lists about all of those sorts of things. I joined Twitter (hold on, before you mock me!) for the newsfeeds--sadly, none of my friends are on there regularly so I have to rely on Gothamist, the Onion, and Conan O'Brian to entertain me with tweets. I read various websites. I talk to people. But I still miss out on cool things that are going on, generally finding out about them the day of. That doesn't really work for my schedule.

What I really need is a cultural curator. Someone to filter through all of those channels and give me a concise list of things I should know about. I need a debriefing twice a day or something. It's not that I want to be cutting edge, I just want someone to tell me what is going on so I don't have to spend the time figuring out myself.

Applications currently being accepted. Inquire within.

From the Desk of the Peeved

2010-10-05T17:14:00.000-04:00

There are many things that get me riled up. This is one of them:

At one of the wineries out on the North Fork of Long Island, they named their Pinot Grigio "P-No-Gree-G-O." They have a Chardonnay similarly named.

Some might find this cute or funny. I find it infuriating. It didn't help that the wine was terrible too.

Can we try to be a little classy, Long Island? America?

Chia Liberty: Live Free or Die!

2010-07-29T10:20:00.000-04:00

One of my tasks as super-tech in Dr. Christina's lab was to set up the Chia Statue of Liberty. It hadn't even started sprouting when I left St. Louis, but I received photo-updates every couple of days:

Then I stopped getting updates. A week later I got the bad news: Dr. Christina didn't going into lab for a few days and thus poor Chia Liberty did not get watered. Most of her luscious green locks died off except for a little bit of mullet left over:

It was a sad day for Liberty.

Hammy the Hamster

2010-07-13T17:06:00.001-04:00

Hamster sitting Hammy the Hamster while the family is on vacation for a few weeks. Hammy kind of freaks me out a little, and I know he doesn't like me that much. (Why this is so, I'm not entirely certain, since the kids grab him in one fist and run around screaming. All I do is feed him treats. But maybe he knows I have an aversion to big-balled animals?)

Regardless, I am grateful that Hammy did not die on my watch.

Not So Easy Bake Oven

2010-06-27T08:31:00.003-04:00

Maddog received an Easy Bake Oven for her birthday last week. Of course she's going to be a little baker like her auntie, right?

I'm all for kids baking and cooking--it's therapeutic, good for the math and science skills, and creates delicious goodness. But Easy Bake Ovens, even though we all wanted one when we were kids, are not very practical.

I know, I know, I sound like a total hater. I'm all for toys. But if you are going to learn to bake, it is not going to be by just adding a tablespoon of water to a packet of mix and "baking" it with a 100W bulb. And what really baffles me is that the 100W bulb has to "preheat" for 15 minutes. I can preheat my real oven in that amount of time! I can just as easily teach Maddog how to bake a real cake. It doesn't require that much more work than boxed cake mix. And at least regular cake mix requires adding some ingredients in addition to water. And you can make enough for the whole family.

I will say, though, that the Easy Bake chocolate chip cookie (singular, as only one can be baked at a time--we had to split it 5 ways) was much better tasting than we expected.

IHNIWTM (I Have No Idea What That Means)

2010-06-25T15:33:00.000-04:00

I work in a field that is acronym-centric. My institution, my department, my division, and pretty much everything else has an acronym or abbreviation. Even though we are reminded on a yearly basis, I will never remember what RACE stands for (in case of fire):

     Rescue
     Activate the alarm
     Confine the fire
     Evacuate (I always think "Escape!")

We also live in a society of txt spk. I have a hard time deciphering it (look, I still write out my to-do lists, okay?), and the niece and nephew are not quite old enough to translate for me so I have to rely on Dirty and his 20yo interns. LOL, LMAO, NSFW, TTYL...that's about all I understand at this point. Someone at work hit "Reply All" to an email and sent a message to about 800 people that said "FML." The saddest thing is, no one in my office knew what the hell that meant. (we looked it up: "f*ck my life".) Yeah, we're old.

But as bad as I am, my friend Jamie is even worse. It is a running joke that he does not get acronyms. "Let's meet in the WV for HH." His response? "Why would we go to West Virginia?" Um, that would be the West Village. For happy hour.

To Do...

2010-06-02T18:09:00.003-04:00

I openly admit that I am not particularly tech savvy. Sure, I blog, I Google like nobody's business and I am a pro at online shopping, but I have only just noticed that there is a specific camera button on the cell phone I've had for the past two years. And I can barely use my little digital camera.

My friend Westchester is all about the electronic. At least 2 Apple devices go off when he gets an email, and he seems to control everything with his iPhone. It's scary. When I mentioned to him that I still keep a paper calendar (I ♥ my Moleskine) and honest to god paper To-Do lists, where I gleefully cross things out with a marker, he almost had a seizure. It got worse when I mentioned I will probably stick with my old (paper loving) ways even after I get the new iPhone in a few months.

Yes, yes, I know it is bad for the trees. But will using an electronic device lessen my carbon footprint more than pen and paper?

Also, old habits die hard. I think handwriting is a dying art. I spent all that time in grade school honing my special print (cursive was definitely not for me.) When is the last time you saw a friend's handwriting? I think for a large majority of people I've befriended in the last few years, I would not recognize their handwriting. In fact, I may never have even seen their handwriting. There is something to be said about a personal, handwritten note; text and email--as much as I love it--just doesn't quite make the cut.

Luckily, I have a small coterie of friends who love real mail as much as I do, and we send each other cards and postcards. I am fairly certain I could identify them by their handwriting alone. I think that is a testament to our friendship, no?

P-Touch, Tool of the Organized

2010-05-18T14:31:00.000-04:00

My very dear friend, Dr. Xina, is moving to St. Louis to head her own lab. We have known each other for over ten years, and were lab bay-mates back in grad school. We even went and bought a stereo together for our bay. Aw.

I am planning on going out to STL in July to help set up her lab (and hopefully catch a glimpse of Nelly.) I may be a PhDon't, but I am one damn organized person and the labels on my bottles were always impeccable. I'm a little OCD. I cannot help this.

Part of the bargain is that I will get my very own white lab coat with my name embroidered on it. It will be left hanging on the lab coat hook for my annual visits/lab inspections. We hope to have all of the lab members live in fear of me and thus keep things neat and organized--and labeled well. I also get to pick out the P-Touch label maker for the lab!!! Funny thing is, I've never had to pick one out, because everywhere I've worked, there already was one.

It actually took me a couple of hours to figure out the best label maker to get, but I think I'll be happy with this one. It is PC/Mac compatible so I can design the labels on the computer and preview them, there are 8, count 'em, 8 different fonts, and a whole bunch of bells and whistles. Come July, there will be whole lot of fancy label-making going on at Wash U...

Happy Birthday, E$!!!

2010-05-17T19:45:00.003-04:00

The little nephew turned 4 (!) last week. He had a party at the Prospect Park Zoo, so I made cupcakes with an animal theme:

I was just waiting for some smartass four year old to tell me that the sprinkles on the zebra cupcakes didn't match (they're dolphins--I didn't have zebra sprinkles), but luckily, they didn't notice.

Project File: Cream Puffs

2010-04-18T20:15:00.003-04:00

My first attempt at pastry! I made cream puffs and they were delicious. Who knew they were so easy to make?

Special Person's Day

2010-04-16T12:52:00.001-04:00

It was Grandparents and Special Person's (or maybe it was Special Friend's) Day at E$'s preschool. Since his grandparents aren't nearby, I was called on to be his Special Person. Aw.

I'd been to similar types of things when Maddog was that age so I thought I knew what to expect: snacks and a little bit of singing. I was wrong. No snacks and nothing so organized like a song circle. We played with green play-doh for an hour.

I'm happy to take a few hours off work to play with my favorite nephew, but I can play with him any time and I was kinda hoping to see a bunch of cute 3 year olds singing songs like "Hot Cross Buns" or something. I did get to meet some of his friends (he even remembered to introduce me) and he told me the girl sitting next to him "worries a lot." I didn't get a lot of details about why she worried so much, but I thought it was pretty funny he said that. She did have her brow furrowed while playing with the play-doh...

Managerial Proficiency

2010-03-17T09:10:00.002-04:00

Last week I took a 2-day training to assess my managerial proficiencies. On the first day, we watched an outdated video about Bill, and his team of managers and the staff they supervise. Based on these scenarios, we answered multiple choice questions about them and our results are compared to the 700,000 managers who have taken the training to evaluate our proficiency in 12 competencies needed to be an effective manager (according to the methodology.) On the second day we got our results and attempted to interpret them with an HR consultant

So. My results? I scored in the 6th percentile for Thinking Clearly & Analytically and 9th percentile in Time Management and Prioritizing. That means 94 percent of the 700,000 people who took this class think more clearly and analytically than I do!

In contrast, I scored above the 90th percentile for Decision Making, Giving Clear Information, Setting Goals & Standards, and Training, Coaching and Delegating.

I met with the HR consultant and told her I was surprised with those low results, especially since, well, I am an analytical thinker with a science background who is always told she thinks quite logically and pragmatically. Besides, how can I make good decisions and give clear information if I can't think clearly? As for time management, I am annoyingly punctual and have never missed a deadline. Her response? "Hmmm...that's strange. You scored really high on everything else so your profile is actually really great. Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Feel free to take one of our classes if you want..."

Weird, no?

Eye of the Tiger

2010-02-12T12:07:00.005-05:00

It's Chinese New Year on February 14th. This is the year of the Tiger. And because I was born before the lunar new year, I'm half-sies on the zodiac signs--back half of the Tiger, front half of the rabbit. I don't mind at all.

However, I am slightly offended that the U.S. Postal Service has issued one of the lamest Chinese New Year stamps for what is one of my years:

Um, why is the tiger no larger than the price of the stamp? Lame.

Happy New Year!

Kicks reversion

2010-01-25T14:12:00.004-05:00

At dinner the other night, the topic of properly tying your shoelaces came up. MT demonstrated, and I immediately went to put my shoes on and try out the new technique.

Until I realized that I was wearing Vans slip-ons. And that I don't really own shoes with laces. (Except my running shoes, and maybe a pair of old Vans I wear in the summer.) Does this mean I'm either too lazy to be bothered with laces or I'm reverting back to childhood when shoes were always slip-on or velcro?

Here are instructions for tying shoelaces (It's called a Granny knot):

Entire Right lace crosses over Left lace.
Then bring the Right lace under the Left lace.
Hold end of Right lace in right hand, hold end of Left lace in left hand.
Pull both ends at the same time and tighten.
Then make your traditional bow to finish up the process of tying your shoelaces the correct way.

Your bow will look perfect. The bow won't look crooked on your shoe. It will lie perpendicular to the length of your shoe. And, more importantly your shoelaces will not come undone because you tied them in a Granny knot. You tied them the right way. The only difference is that with the Granny knot you always start with the Right lace always crossing over the Left lace.

So there.

Project File: Thank You!

2010-01-24T12:14:00.005-05:00

Project File: Vodka Infusions

2010-01-16T15:49:00.002-05:00

We had a mini vodka infusing party this week, using mint, rosemary, peppercorns, cranberries and citrus fruits in various combinations. Sadly, we will have to wait a few weeks before we can drink it.

Kicking off the new year...with a new age...

2010-01-09T09:27:00.009-05:00

It was my birthday this week, and although I'm not for the whole aging process and the fact that when I get carded they hand back my license with a new respect for their elder (look, I can't help that I look young for my age, but I certainly look older than 21), I love celebrating. This week included Psychic Nite, pizza happy hour, dinner & cake with Maddog and E$, a party at Elsa bar, a RockBand potluck, and to top things off, Professional Bull Riding championships at the Garden. (Yes, I was shocked to find out they came to New York, too. )

My birthday year forecast:
A more sociable year than usual is ahead of you, perhaps at times at the expense of work and responsibilities! New connections can be made through shared intellectual and cultural interests. Openness to change is a valuable asset this year. Major restructuring of your life will help you to clear your head and to get your priorities straight.

More sociable? REALLY? Because quite frankly, it's barely over a week into 2010 and I'm exhausted. Last year was insanely busy as it is--I don't know if I can kick it up a notch. Also, I'm not sure about this "restructuring" of my life. I like how it is structured. That seems to imply I will fire some friends and reassign responsibilities.

Happy New Year!

Mall Cops: Mall of America

2010-01-03T09:27:00.003-05:00

Really?

TLC aired this as a one hour special and has expanded it into a 12 episode series. The show "shares the story of the men and women who work the security team at Mall Of America."

I worked many years at the MOA, and although it is huge with an amusement park, aquarium and wedding chapel, I really didn't think it was that hardcore. Maybe I was just insulated from the terror while folding jeans at the Gap...

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-24T11:48:00.007-05:00

The holidays came a little faster than expected and I found myself less prepared than usual. This year I didn't get around to making all of the things I had planned on. However, I did manage to make holiday cards. I seem to be on an every other year schedule:

Yes, each one was cut by hand. No folding and cutting. I traced from a template and cut. Like real snowflakes, no two are alike. (Yes, I had a lot of free time over Thanksgiving.)

And here's the one from two years ago, when my mini-donk obsession began:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Meatball Cookoff 2009

2009-12-06T14:40:00.007-05:00

It was time again for the annual Meatball Cookoff! As with every year, competition was tough, meatballs were eaten and judged, winners were crowned and good times were had by all.

This year, the winners were:

Best Meatball (round robin judging): Party Balls
Best Non-Traditional (non-Italian): Meat Your Maker
Audience Favorite: Y Tu Meatball Tambien
The three above competed for the Championship (winner's belt): Y Tu Meatball Tambien
Best Team Name: Y Tu Meatball Tambien

For the second year in a row, Dirty Cookie (Team: Y Tu Meatball Tambien) took the Audience Favorite trophy, the Championship belt, AND the prize for best team name!

Aside: I was in charge of drawing the names of judges. In the second round of the competition, it came down to Aaron and Dirty and I drew my own name. Yikes. Now, these are two of my best friends--and I have a birthday coming up--so I did what anyone would do: quietly drew another name instead.

Project File: Carrot Terrarium

2009-12-02T16:38:00.003-05:00

I recently went to a cousin's wedding (no flashing eyed lobster slaw. whew.) and was handed the centerpiece to take home. I took it, not for the floating candle, but for the nice cylindrical vase. Those things tend to come in handy, and I thought it would be good for a terrarium. Ellen suggested planting some carrot seeds Maddog's piano teacher had given her--that way we could chart the progress of the root vegetables. We'd also have something to eat!

Here we are at 2 weeks...and things are starting to grow...

Brazil nut: okay or no?

2009-12-01T22:17:00.003-05:00

My friend Carla once told me the story of a friend of hers, whose parents told her early on that she was allergic to alcohol. She wasn't allergic--they did this in an effort to curb any Girls Gone Wild tendencies. So said friend never drank, thinking she'd go into anaphylactic shock if she did.

One day, Carla and the friend went to the mall and had some Rainforest Brittle, a kind of peanut brittle made with Brazil nuts and cashews. Well, turns out fake booze-allergy friend was, unknowingly, severely allergic to Brazil nuts. Her throat closed up after a bite of brittle and they had to rush her to the emergency room. Don't worry, she survived.

There are a few lessons here:

Don't lie to your kids about their health
Get tested for allergies
Beware Brazil nuts

This weekend I was given a canister of mixed nuts: cashews, almonds, pecans, macadamia (which I already know I am mildly allergic to) and--you guessed it--Brazil nuts. I have never had a Brazil nut before and I didn't know if I had an allergy like fake-booze allergy girl, but her Rainforest brittle story was a warning. However, I was hungry and the largest nuts in the can were calling to me. I was alone, so there would be no ride to the ER, no one to grab the epi pen which I don't own. So I gingerly took a small bite. No sudden closing of air passages. All clear!

Whew. Funny enough, I don't find Brazil nuts to be that tasty.

Live and learn.

My Mom, the Sharpshooter

2009-11-23T22:13:00.002-05:00

Mom went to South Korea for a guided apple picking tour. I wasn't entirely sure why the sudden interest in going apple picking, considering she lived in MN for over thirty years and we never once went to an orchard (or farm, for that matter.)

Anyways, she had a great time and it came out several weeks later that she had also gone to a shooting range in Korea. It was only $10. And it turns out Mom is a pretty good shot. Who knew?

Busted!

2009-11-13T11:45:00.002-05:00

The institution I work for has made a huge effort to "go green, " which I think is wonderful. I have been advocating for better recycling for years, and I am known in my office for shutting down not only my own computer, but those of my neighboring coworkers (yes, I make sure they have left for the day.) I am also the one who promptly shuts off the light for the copy room at 5pm.

So imagine my dismay and embarrassment when I received this email today:

Hello,
During this week your computer was left on one or more times. This is just a friendly reminder to please program your computer to shut itself down each night. There is a new program that will allow you to schedule your computer to shutdown at a pre-determined time.

The thing is, I remember coming in one morning and noticing my computer hadn't shut down. I have auto-shutdown scheduled for 6:30pm. What they don't tell you is that if there is an error closing a program, the computer won't shut down. So it really wasn't my fault, right? RIGHT?

Paper show

2009-11-13T11:00:00.006-05:00

I don't normally post about art shows I've gone to, but Slash: Paper Under the Knife at the Museum of Art & Design was fantastic. Granted, paper cutting is very close to my heart and I wish I had the talent, time, and OCD to do it more often.

Here are two of my favorites:

Shed. Thomas Demand

He takes scenes from found photographs, makes a 3D recreation in paper (yep, everything above--including that yellow sponge--is made out of paper), then photographs it.

Concretion/Conglomerate. Shaul Tzemach

I wasn't sure if it was hand or laser cut at first. It's hand cut. With an X-acto knife. Amazing. There is an extremely high level of OCD involved if you cut paper to mere millimeter widths by hand. (This picture doesn't do the intricate detail justice.)

Please check out this show.

Begrudgingly saving lives one drop at a time

2009-10-19T16:29:00.003-04:00

I donated blood today. I will confess that there are incentives for me to give blood: an extra vacation day if I donate five times in a 12 month period AND a free gift each visit. I have been trying to get the free blood donation umbrella for the last several years. They always claim it's seasonal, and I always happen to donate off season. Which means that instead of an umbrella, I am the proud owner of an XXL t-shirt, and countless tote bags.

This time I thought I was going to get lucky: one of my coworkers had the coveted prize, earned a mere 2 weeks ago.

They were out of umbrellas today. I got another tote bag. Dammit.

Also, they gave me a red bandage afterwards that stinks of burnt food. It makes me look like I am either bleeding profusely or part of some resistance movement.

Sigh.

OMG, MINIDONK!

2009-10-12T09:36:00.005-04:00

We took a mini-roadtrip upstate this weekend. At one of the Finger Lakes wineries they had a mini-donk! Meet Doobie, the very first mini-donk I've met. I'll admit, he wasn't as cute as some of the pics of mini-donks I've seen, nor was he as mini as I expected. However, he was super sweet and friendly and came right up to me.

No, we did not try to take him home with us.

fungus!

2009-10-04T11:20:00.004-04:00

The moss terrarium is doing well enough to grow a little mushroom!

Duck, duck, fowl

2009-10-04T10:59:00.002-04:00

Ask any Minnesotan to complete the sentence "Duck, duck, _____," and they will undoubtedly yell, "Gray duck!"

Ask anyone from the remaining 49 states and they will undoubtedly say, "Goose!"

Per Wikipedia:
Duck, duck, goose (called Duck, Duck, Gray Duck in Minnesota) is a traditional children's game often first learned in pre-school or kindergarten.

Also: http://www.gray-duck.com/gray-duck/duck-article.jpg

The funny thing is, Minnesotans are absolutely shocked to learn that no one else in the country calls it Duck, Duck, Gray Duck. Personally, I take a little 10K lakes pride in the fact that we play it our own special way. We also call soda "pop" and mint chocolate chip ice cream "peppermint bon bon."

World's Finest

2009-09-28T14:03:00.011-04:00

Most of us had to fundraise for something or other at school: band, student council, cheerleading, etc. I have very fond memories of World's Finest chocolate bars. Milk chocolate with almonds. I remember selling them in high school and eating at least half of the cases myself. I miss my metabolism from those days.

It's hard to find those candy bars in New York. The kids I know aren't quite old enough for it yet, and similar to the Girl Scout Cookie problem, it's not safe for them to go door to door. I have to rely on their parents bringing them to work and that's a little tricky.

Last week I saw a woman on the train with a case of World's Finest. It was 8:30AM and just a little too early for me to approach her about them. Then this morning the girl who sits behind me asked me if I wanted any chocolate (duh, of course I do) because she knew I really liked this kind. She had a handful of World's Finest bars.

Cue jumping up and down, clapping hands in glee. Then I asked her where she got them. Someone in my office was selling them, but didn't see the need to announce it. Of course I immediately ran over there and offered to buy every damn one of them. Sadly, only two almond ones were left. Even sadder was when I realized they had changed the formulation--no more whole almonds, just almond bits. I know times are hard and all, but the best part was biting into that big almond.

I still plan on buying some more, though. I mean, I have to support St. Catherine of Genoa School, right?

addendum: The coworker got her hands on six additional almond bars. I bought them all even though there are only almond bits. I also bought 2 krisps and 2 caramel bars to make it an even $10. I plan on sharing the love, not hoarding them in my snack drawer.

The Assassination of Fortune Cookie

2009-09-09T16:47:00.005-04:00

I received a call at work today from a manager in another department. At the end of the call, she mentions that she was chatting with this employee we know who is rather weird and socially awkward. They were talking about her finishing up grad school and what she wanted to do after she received her masters degree.

Her response: "I want Fortune Cookie's job."

Uh. That's very specific, right?

It's fine and all, but you, dear reader, probably know more about what I do at work than this girl does. It's not just me looking pretty and teaching a class every few weeks. I told a friend about this and she asked if it was more a statement of admiration or will there be an assassination attempt in the future? Honestly, I think the latter.

Although, even with me out of the picture, it's unlikely they would hire this girl for my job. Weird and socially awkward do not a Fortune replacement make.

In the meantime, I'll still keep an eye on her...

Out of Office Reply

2009-08-31T16:51:00.000-04:00

Fortune Cookie is currently making a mini-donut run to the Minnesota State Fair.

http://fortunetravels.blogspot.com/

My Super Sweet 16

2009-08-30T15:45:00.006-04:00

The end of this month marks my 16th anniversary of moving to New York City. I came here for college when I was 18 years old with one suitcase, and now I have accumulated more possessions (and memories) than I could ever account for.

But this post isn't about my last sixteen years in the city or how I love it and have no plans to leave New York until I reach the point when flying in and seeing the Manhattan skyline no longer causes my heart to flutter--and ease--a little. [Note: this actually did happen once, and that was when I flew over Ground Zero a few months after 9/11 and it was still smoking. I think my heart dropped at that moment.]

This weekend I was at a baby shower for my friend Murphy (of Team Cookie fame) and there were a good number of people I didn't know, so we played the "How do you know her?" game. I know Murphy through Miss Danna, who I met at our very first job out of college. Over the years I've gotten to know many of Danna's college friends and they are all dear friends of mine now. I feel like I am an honorary SUNY Purchase alumna, I know so many people who went there. The funny thing is, I have more friends from there than I do from my own college. Which is about eight blocks away from my house. Most people I know have a tight coterie of college friends. I don't have this at all. [Unless Sonya counts as a coterie?] I have my friends from high school, from grad school x2, from every single job I've ever had, including working at the Gap in high school, but not so much from college. I guess I just didn't stay in touch with any of them.

That's a little weird, right?

But I'm not complaining. I'm happy with what I've got.

Cake Challenge: Fortune Cookie vs. Smith Island Cake

2009-08-27T08:36:00.003-04:00

Aaron's birthday is today. The past few years, he has always requested a "non-traditional" or "stunt" cake. I am a solid baker, no doubt, but the cakes I bake for his birthday always end in disaster and near-tears. Also, it doesn't help that it is August and a 350F oven doesn't go well with the 90 degree ambient temperature.

Remember the ice cream cone cupcakes? Oh right, I had to destroy all photo-documentation, it was so horrific and demoralizing. There was also the giant cupcake. Which tasted great, but was big, lopsided and bulky. (The smoke alarm-inducing burning of cake batter wasn't evident in the finished product, thankfully.)

This year, Aaron has asked for a Smith Island Cake.

Smith Island is the only inhabited island off the coast of Maryland in the Chesapeake Bay. They have their own cake. Last year, Maryland made it the official state dessert--only two other states have one (MA & SD)--and it goes well with their state drink, milk. Smith Island Cake traditionally has 8-12 thin layers of yellow cake with some sort of chocolate goo frosting, and in this case, crushed frozen peanut butter cups between the layers.

This is what it is supposed to look like (but with PB cup bits in between):

I'm scared. Things could get ugly. [correction: things did get ugly. There was even a frosting emergency.]

Happy birthday, Aaronosaurus!

The many thin layers of the Smith Island Cake:

Chocolate goo frosting and crushed PB cups between each layer. The crushed PB cups looked like ground meat to me:

Finished product. Those are mini-PB cups on top. Note the chocolate goo sliding into pools along the side of the cake. Not pretty.

Project File: Tags

2009-08-22T17:47:00.005-04:00

I somehow managed to volunteer to make favors for Murphy's upcoming baby shower. I'm going to bake some cookies, put them in little cellophane bags tied with ribbon and these paper cut out tags (with the celebratory info on them, of course):

The finished product:

Babymama:

Project File: Embroidery Experiments

2009-08-21T09:45:00.000-04:00

It's been many years since I stopped working in a lab. There is something about working with my hands (e.g. running experiments) that is extremely satisfying. When I left that behind, I started to bake more. It's a different kind of science.

I also started crafting more.

Embroidery is something I've always been fascinated with. When done right, it is amazing. It can also be guilty of being a little grandma-y. I've been trying to teach myself how to do it. I'm the first to admit I am not the best at sewing--as OCD as I can be, I'm just a little too lazy with my stitching.

At the Museum of Art & Design we went to a free Etsy workshop on "non-traditional embroidery and fabric assemblage." It was fun to drink wine and craft, and the best thing was that I got to take home the embroidery hoop! I had been needing one so I could start the Embroidery Experiment.

Here's what I worked on at the Etsy workshop. There wasn't enough time to finish it--they started to hustle us out of there after 30 minutes. A girl can only craft so fast. I plan on adding some more embroidery and fabric pieces:

Here's my first attempt at crewel-esque embroidery. The green stalk ended up looking more like asparagus than a strand of grass, but I didn't think it was so bad for a first time satin stitch. The little yellow flower were practice french knots.:

Our Bodies, Ourselves

2009-08-20T13:29:00.008-04:00

Our bodies try to tell us when something is wrong or something is needed: we have pain & swelling when injured, our stomach grumbles when hungry, our eyelids get heavy when sleepy, we expel things the body rejects.

I can't say I'm always attune to the more subtle signals my body sends me, but I've noticed something of late: I crave bananas [no euphemism there] when I have a leg cramp developing, from what I assume is caused by a potassium deficiency. Because whenever I ignore the banana thoughts--and I do, because quite frankly, I have never been that fond of bananas in the first place--within a few days I'm awakened by a horrific leg cramp in the middle of the night.

So I suppose the true test is if I can safely avoid charley horses by all of these bananas. The two could be totally unrelated, but I'm interested by biomechanics and physiology (yes, even for a PhD drop-out), and it would be pretty cool if it was.

Say "Hello" to my little friend

2009-08-18T11:03:00.005-04:00

We are in the throes of a NYC summer which means it is hot as hell outside. It also happens to be an ice box inside my office. I often find myself with at least 3 layers of clothing on and a shawl on my lap, fingers tinged blue as I type away. This is not okay.

My last space heater died on me about a month ago (R.I.P) and I have been suffering through the frigid office temperatures alone. I hit up every possible store within a 10 block radius looking for a new space heater, but to no avail. (Strangely, all they have out are air conditioners and fans...) I finally ordered this little guy online. He oscillates, has multiple temperature controls, including a fan and "anti-freeze" for those really cold days, and a remote control! I guess I won't have to use my toes anymore.

My only issue with him is that he beeps at me a lot. Press a button and he beeps. Move him and he beeps. Look at him wrong and he beeps. He'd be perfect if he were just a little quieter...

Back in the 'hood

2009-08-17T09:53:00.008-04:00

Dirty and Brad's ultimate frisbee league finals were this weekend and we planned a spectating picnic. The finals took place up in Inwood Hill Park, which is located at the northern tip of Manhattan. I lived in Inwood many years ago--it is one of three neighborhoods I've lived in these past 16 years I've been in New York. It was a completely different time of my life then, and that neighborhood holds a lot of memories for me. I seldom make it up that far any more, except to ride past on my way to Target, so it was nice to walk around there again. The area has become much more gentrified--there are fancier restaurants and a lot more white people than when I lived there almost 8 years ago. There's even a Payless Shoe Source now. I think the best addition to the area is a Venezuelan spot that sells patacones, or sandwiches with tostones (fried green plantains) instead of bread. Genius.

We ate some patacones, babycakes, homemade pickles and enjoyed the summer day, watching other people running around after a plastic disc in the heat. Unfortunately, Dirty and Brad's team lost early on. On the bright side, that gave them more time to picnic with us.

It's like high school all over again, except I'm meaner

2009-08-17T09:07:00.006-04:00

One of my main responsibilities at work is special projects--it's probably at least 50% of my job. Basically, this means that if they need someone to work on a project or join a committee no one else has time (or inclination) for, I am automatically volunteered.

One of my current projects is to work on the development of a research "advisory council" made up of research staff. It is essentially going to be a student council of research staff, with elected members, who will tackle important issues. Like prom. Oops, sorry, wrong type of council.

Now, this project is perfect for me since I have six years of student council experience under my belt. Grades 7-12, baby! Elected to Executive Board the last two years, no less. (Yes, this was in addition to my senior class presidential duties. Totally ridiculous, I know. It's a burden being popular.)

We are working out all of the by-laws and logistics for the first election and it has been decided that this initial council's Board will be made up of people from the development committee. There are three Board positions and five committee members, myself included. That means only two people will be off the hook. Take a wild guess who everyone wants to be Chair...You got it. Yours truly. This will never happen, for many reasons, but I had to laugh at how it was just like high school all over again. Except my hair is better and I'm much snarkier.

babycakes

2009-08-15T18:26:00.005-04:00

A cake, a bike and two cats: Happy Birthday, Dirty!

2009-08-03T11:22:00.003-04:00

Dirty had a rooftop BBQ and there was lemon-lemon birthday cake to celebrate his belated birthday. The cake was delicious (of course) but I had the most fun with the decorations--I found a mini red bike and some kitty cake toppers. Janie did a little surgery on one of the kitties so it more closely resembled the wonderful three-legged Nora. Svig is on the left.

Please note the view of Manhattan behind the cake.

Sweet, sweet, angel food cake

2009-08-01T11:54:00.001-04:00

Project File: Miniature Terrariums

2009-07-12T16:27:00.013-04:00

My latest project is making mini-terrariums out of jars and random glass vessels. So far they are all succulents and cacti in open terrariums. I am thinking of eventually moving onto tropical mini-plants in closed terrariums. We'll see how the small moss does in the closed jar...

He's Just Not That Into You

2009-06-17T11:10:00.008-04:00

E-money, the little nephew, is now 3 years old and quite the ladies' man.

He goes to preschool with a girl named Sela and she just loooooooves him. She runs to him every morning when he walks into the classroom. She is always trying to hug him and has been advised on the merits of giving people their personal space. During a class photo when everyone else said "Cheese!", she said "I love E-money!"

How does the little man feel about all of this? On the way to school he's said, "Mommy, no want Sela!"

Ah, unrequited love.

I suspect little Sela is going to grow up to be a hottie and poor E-money will have already peaked at the age of 3.

But really, how can you resist this kid?

Newsflash: Pinata-donk decapitated by candy-hungry mob!

2009-05-24T22:16:00.005-04:00

It was SMM's birthday bbq and I got a little overzealous with the pinata. Of course I had to get the largest donkey pinata I could find in New York. And fill it chock full of her favorite goodies. And some of my favorites too, because quite frankly, I don't like Good-n-Plenty. But I do love me some Zots.

We did it nice and proper--the birthday girl was given a long piece of ply wood, blind folded, spun around until she was ready to vomit, and let loose on the poor candydonk.

She successfully decapitated it, then beat it further until it released it's treasure trove of treats.

Happy Birthday, SMM!

Aaaw yeah! OR, Putting the Magic in Magic Bars

2009-04-07T22:14:00.006-04:00

I realized that I don't really document my baked goods (with the exception of the yeast rolls and the giant cupcake.) I am still sad I didn't take any pics of my attempts at making cinnamon rolls from scratch--especially because attempt #2 turned out AWESOME. (Don't worry, I will bake some more. See, I AM learning patience with dry active yeast...)

Here are the crowd pleasing magic bars (a/k/a seven layer bars: graham cracker & butter crust, walnuts, chocolate chips, white choco chips, butterscotch chips, toasted coconut, all smothered in sweetened condensed milk and baked to goodness.)

Mitten Penguins!

2009-04-06T20:41:00.000-04:00

My Foray into Savory Baking

2009-03-10T14:26:00.003-04:00

I am a dessert baker: cakes, cupcakes, brownies, magic bars, tarts and even the occasional pie. But I saw a recipe for yeast rolls that looked really good and relatively simple so I thought I'd dig up the dough hook for my mixer that I haven't used in the 10+ years I've had it and give it a shot. Here are the results:

These were really tasty fresh and warm, with a little bit of sweetness to them. They were very easy to make, but the 3.5 hours of rising time was a bit much. I know, I know: Patience, Grasshopper.

It's Not a Party Until There's Processed Cheese

2009-03-10T12:51:00.006-04:00

The weather was wonderful this weekend and we did a little backyard grilling and games on Saturday night. Vickie brought the leftover Kraft cheese from the barn house weekend. I'll admit it was a little awkward when she put it on the table next to the party snacks.

Sorry, no speakah English

2009-03-05T13:22:00.002-05:00

I received a call the other night:

Fortune: Hello?

Telemarketer lady: (in Mandarin) Are you the head of household?

Fortune: Sorry, I don't understand Chinese

Telemarketer lady: Oh. (hangs up)

I had to laugh, because if Telemarketer Lady actually took a second to think about my response, she'd realize that the only way I'd know she was speaking Chinese is if I understood it.

Then I waited a few minutes in fear that she would call me back and call me out on my subterfuge. She didn't.

Strangers on a Train

2009-03-05T13:18:00.007-05:00

Uptown 1 train. I couldn't resist taking a photo of this man in an orange fleece outfit.

The Toilet Paper Doesn't Lie

2009-02-16T14:28:00.003-05:00

I generally go over to see my sister and the kids a couple of times a week. They have two bathrooms in their apartment and it's pretty random which one I use. However, without fail, and regardless of which bathroom I use, I always end up with an empty or near-empty roll of toilet paper. It's uncanny.

The other night I unexpectedly stopped by after dinner and suprise(!) there were about 5 sheets of toilet paper left on the roll. I mentioned it to my sister and she responded, "You know, I noticed that earlier today, but I didn't think you were coming over. I guess the toilet paper doesn't lie."

Return of the Native

2009-02-01T09:59:00.002-05:00

I recently spent a few weeks traveling in Asia. As usual, it was a great trip and I got to spend a lot of time with my family. Also as usual, I toyed with the idea of moving to Taiwan. Like the majority of non-American cultures, it is extremely family oriented and seems so much more laidback. I could easily live with my family, work some random job (English teacher, perhaps?) , hang out with my family all the time (I have a gaggle of cousins around my age there) and spend my free time traveling. Plus, I'd eat well and cheap. I think the 15 cent pot stickers might be one of the most delicious deals ever. But like the idea of moving back to MN, the weather is not conducive to happy living, and there is the language issue.

Besides, I can't deny how much I love New York City. It is my birthplace as well as my city of residence for the last 15 years. Coming back from two weeks with a homogenous population, I was not struck by how diverse this city is, but by how many weird people there are here. Maybe it was my jet lag-induced delirium, but my first subway ride since getting back from my trip almost gave me a panic attack. Every single person on the train looked like they could potentially get up and stab me. Seriously. It takes leaving the city to realize how many NOT okay people there are here.

I have since readjusted and that insulated layer that lets every New Yorker become desensitized to the craziness is back in place. I am still keeping an eye on people who might stab me though...

New Additions

2008-12-28T16:59:00.008-05:00

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-22T16:24:00.000-05:00

Here's a portrait of my super secret holiday craft project: glove animals.

Happy Holidays!

From the Desk of the Only Fortune Cookie in the U.S., The Sequel

2008-10-30T09:54:00.012-04:00

I got forwarded this new site: http://www.pokemyname.com/

It tells me that one in every 8.360 Americans has my first name and it is the 1151.st most popular name in USA, behind Elwood and Garland. I barely beat out Dinh and Kris.

That was a bit disturbing. (Elwood? Really?) But I am still confident I am the only person in the U.S. with my first and last name combination.

The fun thing was that the site also spelled my name out in Braille, Morse Code and Marine Flag!

Spare some change?

2008-10-05T11:20:00.004-04:00

I cleaned (okay, fine, I started to clean) my apartment this weekend, and I noticed that I have loose change everywhere. On the floor, on any major surface, in every room. Including the bathroom.

I am not sure how this happens, as I'm not rolling in the dough, or throwing my money this way and that as soon as I get home. I suppose part of the problem is that I am lazy and will not expend the energy to pick up a penny from the floor. However, I will stop to pick up a quarter--I need it for laundry and all.

So now I am on a mission to pick up all of the coins I find in my apartmnet. My estimate is it will total between $3.00-$5.oo--mostly in pennies and nickels.

I will keep you updated...

Out of Office Reply

2008-09-27T18:14:00.006-04:00

Fortune Cookie is currently in Canada: http://fortunetravels.blogspot.com/

Higher Learning Gets In My Way

2008-09-02T16:58:00.004-04:00

I'm all for higher learning, and I realize that I was once a new freshman undergrad with nary a clue, recently moved to New York City. But that was years ago and now I'm older, jaded and holding too many degrees.

The school year has started once again, and that means that my neighborhood is overrun with bewildered undergrads. Last week was Columbia University's new student orientation. I saw many packs of 18 year olds in matching colored t-shirts wandering around the neighborhood and blocking my entrance into the grocery store. And last night I ran into the market to pick up some fruit and the line was ridiculous! Again, I blame the undergrads. Grrrr.

Maddog asked why the NYU kids all had on matching purple t-shirts (apparently they do that at NYU too.)

My sister explained that it was kind of like how she wore her red summer camp t-shirt to camp every day.

Maddog responded, "They're all in camp too?"

Kind of. But with fewer singalongs and more drinking.

Baby and Mama Cupcake

2008-09-01T21:21:00.002-04:00

Dispatch from Bike School

2008-08-15T13:39:00.006-04:00

It's Summer Streets in Manhattan, which means that for three Saturdays in August, a few miles of avenue are closed to traffic and open to bicyclists, runners, walkers, loiterers, etc.

They are also offering free bike lessons for adults and kids.

Now, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I don't know how to ride a bike. (No, really, I never learned when I was a kid.) I had my first bike lesson in Minnesota last summer, and figured that I might as well have lesson #2 this year. (I realize that at this rate, I will finally be riding a bike around age 56 or so.)

Overall, I think the lesson went well. They took the pedals off the bikes so we could work on our balance and coasting. We went back and forth over a stretch of slightly sloping road in front of the courthouse. I had my good moments where I felt like I was getting the hang of it. And then there were the other moments where I was not getting the hang of it. I didn't graduate up to pedals. I probably could have, but I didn't want to rush it. I think with a few more lessons, I'll actually be able to ride a bike.

HOWEVER, the biggest lesson learned today? Biking hurts like a mother. The bike seat is not kind to one's tenders. Especially when one is shifting their weight back and forth while learning to ride a bike. I hurt. I suspect I will still hurt tomorrow (wimper.)

From the desk of the only Fortune Cookie in the U.S.

2008-08-12T16:57:00.007-04:00

I've seen this site before, but it's given me endless entertainment today: http://www.howmanyofme.com/search/

According to this site, there is only one person in the U.S. with my name. I am going to assume that they are referring to me.

Strangely enough, a few of my friends were listed as not 1, but "1 or fewer" in the U.S. That seems to minimize their significance, especially as we know that each is a solid, full-fledged (and quite wonderful) person. With the right to vote, to boot. Perhaps they are not a +1, but they are unquestionably a 1.

White Castle + Blood Donations = Not Okay

2008-08-01T14:25:00.006-04:00

Just saw this new announcement on my work's intranet page:

During the summer months there is a critically need for blood products. Please take the time to schedule an appointment. Win a "free" coupon from White Castle for a burger, chicken, or fish sandwich when you donate in August.

I mean, really? I realize there is a great need for blood donations and I'm happy to give up a pint. But aside from the typo in the announcement, we work at a hospital and they are giving out free White Castle? Gross. There's not even a White Castle anywhere in the vicinity. AND, you can win a free coupon--that doesn't mean you'll definitely get one.

Regardless, I don't think it is part of eating right 4 my type anyway.

Addendum: HMH also noted that to add insult to injury, a White Castle burger only costs, like, 23 cents. Now I feel particularly valued for my blood donation.

NOT a True New Yorker

2008-07-30T23:09:00.005-04:00

I went to the TimeOut NY website today in search of some good summery activities. The website is not the most user-friendly (read: too much stuff, yet not easy to find) and I got distracted when I came across the "Are You a True New Yorker" quiz.

I am a sucker for personality tests.

Now, I have lived here for the past 15 years. I like to think that I've been around the city block a few times. I was not concerned about my New York-ness. Hell, I lived here during 9/11, the blackout, the transit strike, that guy with the tiger in his apartment and before Williamsburg was completely overrun with dirty looking hipsters. Even before Target came to the 5 boroughs, for god's sake.

After answering all of the questions (and there were several pages of them), what was the verdict?

I was one step above a tourist.

WHAT!?

Needless to say, I was deeply offended. I mean, really, WTF?

Here's a sampling of questions:

Have personal waterbug and rat horror story. CHECK.
Be unable to leave the house in the morning without watching NY1. (I heart Pat Kiernan.) CHECK.
Adopt a piece of furniture you found on the street. CHECK.
Go to the Bronx for something other than a baseball game. CHECK. (shout out to SMark in SoBro!)

Those are fair questions, right? Well, I think these are the ones that demoted me to almost a tourist:

Order what the people sitting at the next table in the Chinese restaurant are having—without knowing what it is. I'm Chinese, I know what the hell to order. IN CHINESE, IF NEEDED.

Buy an umbrella that's just gone up in price to $10, and then leave it in a cab. Point #1: See above regarding NY1. Which means that I watch the weather on the 1s. So I know when it's going to rain and thus bring an umbrella. Or use the one I keep at work just in case, thus avoiding the need to buy an overpriced, poor quality umbrella from a man selling them out of a grandma cart. Point #2: I don't leave shit in cabs. I always look back as I'm exiting.

Be approached by a heroin addict on a bicycle pretending to be a PA on a commercial shoot who has no money to get to work—and be impressed enough with his hustle that you don't mind forking over 15 bucks. Again, I must exclaim, WTF!?

Worm Update: Harvesting Worm Excrement

2008-07-27T19:25:00.009-04:00

Well, the time had come to harvest compost from the worm bin. It's been many months since I first got the worms. We had our ups and downs and a few casualties along the way. Luckily there were no tears, at least not on my end. Harvesting compost is not quite as straight forward as people make it seem. Sure, there's a good amount of compost in my bin, but there are also worms that are very sloooooooow (or perhaps just resistant) in moving over to the other end of the bin, and there are bits of newspaper and things that aren't fully decomposed. It took a little extra time to clean it up, but I got some!

I know it's technically worm poop, but this stuff smells really good, like the best kind of soil you can find. I mixed it up with regular soil and put it as a top layer of some of my plants. I am a little nervous since over-fertilizing can easily burn plants to death, but I am hoping this will just make my plants even happier than they are now. We should find out in a day or two...

A Good Pencil is Hard to Find

2008-07-22T15:34:00.005-04:00

I'll be honest, I don't really want to be at work. It's been a tough few weeks since returning from Road Trip 2008. I've had some serious post-vacation depressive disorder.

One of the things I'm working on at work is an audit. I have forms to fill out and double check against other documents that then get filled into an electronic form. It is as tedious as it sounds, even for someone as OCD as I am.

I decided that it would be best to use a pencil to fill out the forms since I'm not entirely sure what the hell I'm doing. I don't want to commit to ink. But I've realized that it's hard to find a good pencil in the office these days now that I'm no longer in grade school. I started out using one with refillable lead, but the lead kept breaking after every word. Then I tried an old school pencil, but I require a very sharp tip at all times (back to the OCD) and it is counterproductive for me to be sharpening my pencil every 2 seconds.

I looked around in our supply closet and although there were enough post-its to wallpaper my apartment, there was nary a pencil. Finally, my resourceful admin. assistant managed to scrounge up an automatic pencil she had snagged from another department last year. Crisis solved!

Eat Right 4 Your Type

2008-06-13T12:21:00.011-04:00

SMM told me about this book, Eat Right 4 Your Type, and how it explains what foods are best for your blood type. It's kind of like reading the description of your zodiac sign: "hard-working," "practical," "magnetic," "confident," "independent" and "hard to resist."

I looked it up today and I have mixed feelings about my results:

Type Bs are "balanced omnivores," with a diet that is balanced and wholesome with a wide variety of foods. Well, thank goodness for that.

It says I should avoid shelfish, which is perfectly fine by me anyway, especially after the flashing-eyed lobster experience.

But then it tells me I should also avoid the following:

corn (I heart sweet corn)
chicken (perhaps)
ice cream (riiiight)
nuts (this includes peanut butter, which therefore includes Reese's peanut butter cups, which therefore is never going to happen)
all wheat products (#%*?!)
tomatoes (on the fence about this one: I'd survive without salsa)
avocado (ah, guacamole!)
tofu (for god's sake, I'm ASIAN)
corn syrup (which I know I should avoid, but I can't help it)
distilled liquor (for real? but UNdistilled liquor is acceptable?)

Honestly, I don't think I'll be giving up any of the above. I hope this doesn't affect my being "magnetic" and "hard to resist."

Salmonella hometownus

2008-06-11T08:42:00.006-04:00

There's an outbreak of salmonella going on in 17 states right now, caused by raw tomatoes. The serotype guilty for the 167 known cases is Salmonella Saintpaul. Any GI outbreak is terrible and I totally sympathize with all of the local health departments out there--there is only so much poop a person can take. I just like that it's named after my hometown. Maybe even more so because there haven't been any cases in St. Paul. Or in New York, for that matter.

http://www.cdc.gov/salmonella/saintpaul/

Cute items of the day

2008-06-10T12:04:00.010-04:00

My friends know my interests very well: cupcakes, bunnies and mini-donks. Aaron likes to send me "items of the day" related to said interests.

Some examples:

This last one is a cake shaped like a giant cupcake. He got me the cake mold to make my own oversized cupcake.

Worm Update: Escape from Elsatraz

2008-06-03T14:13:00.003-04:00

Well, the worms' productivity level seems to be diminishing. There doesn't appear to be any more compost than there was a month ago. And last week I was in a bit of a panic because the worms were escaping.

Not in droves or anything. That would be really gross and straight out of a B movie. But every day for a week there were 1-3 dried up worm carcasses on my kitchen floor. (Still gross, I know.)

I tried researching causes online but nothing was particularly helpful. Basically, if the worms are unhappy they will try to leave the bin. Well, that's pretty obvious. But the bin could be too wet or too dry, too hot or cold, or they don't like what they are being fed. None of these seemed to apply, but I suspect the worm population grew since I started things and I wasn't feeding them enough. The little guys were hungry.

Now I feed them twice a week and there have been zero casualties/escapees since.

A Donut Tragedy

2008-06-03T14:08:00.005-04:00

This made me very sad to see:

All of those little Munchkins wasted!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday e-money!

2008-05-13T09:09:00.001-04:00

Theater Poseurs Anonymous

2008-05-06T22:18:00.002-04:00

There are certain things I'll do for money, and pretending to be an avid fan of Broadway theater is one of them. Sure, I like theater--Shakespeare? I'm there. Anything with Patrick Stewart? Make it so. Musicals? Once a year and only when someone is visiting from out of town (and tickets are less than $50.)

Tonight I took part in a focus group on Broadway theater. I figured I could shoot the shit about theater for an hour and earn myself a cool fifty bucks cash. I've been to focus groups before and they usually irritate me. It's always a weird group of people I normally wouldn't be friends with, but could totally be part of an ensemble cast for a very bad horror movie where we each get killed off in a Midtown office building by a disgruntled temp. Regardless, I was totally out of my league--these women were hardcore theater people (note: I wouldn't have been surprised, but would have had a meltdown, if anyone started singing showtunes.) It seemed like these people spent all of their time and money on going to see shows. This was a subculture I knew nothing about. We fear what we don't understand.

Having said that, I've been trying to decide if I relate more to weird worm composting workshop attendees who can't listen or weird theater fanatics who talk incessantly about shows. It's kind of a toss-up, but I'm going to have to go with the worm people.

Worm Update: Making Black Gold

2008-05-04T00:20:00.005-04:00

It's been about a month since I started my worm composting bin. So far, so good! There were a few fatalities during the initial days while everyone was settling in (evident by the 3 dried up worm carcasses I found), and I am not entirely sure how they escaped. But other than that, the worms seem happy. I feed them weekly and I try to give them a variety of food. I suspect they would be perfectly fine with salad greens every time, but I try to mix it up. It's the least I can do after harassing them on a daily basis--I like to check in on them and make sure they didn't all die on me. It's very therapeutic. Kind of like how you would pet your dog or bunny to decompress after a long day, except I poke around at my bin of worms. They are more like pets than little compost-making servants.

Most importantly, they are making compost (a/k/a Black Gold)!!! I am very excited. I think my plants are going to be so happy when I can finally use it. And I have a growing list of people who want some of the goods.

compost!

Resignation

2008-04-21T12:21:00.005-04:00

I received a forwarded email from a high school friend of mine in which someone inquired after our high school reunion, along with an accusation that I was shirking my duties.

This is where I should disclose that I was actually senior class president in high school. I know, I know, totally embarrassing and lame. Obviously, I didn't really think through my future responsibilities with that position and was more interested in collecting yet another title for my college applications.

Luckily, I am not in contact with many people from high school, except for Dirty (but wild horses couldn't drag him to reunion anyway) and the one who forwarded me that email. Essentially, I am off the grid.

But for the record, I am officially resigning as senior class president. I feel that someone who has more school spirit (Go Scots!)--and interest--should plan our next high school reunion. I planned AND attended my first (and last) reunion and that was enough for me. I remember faux-cooing over endless pictures of children, barely recognizing people in their weight gain, using the bathroom as an excuse to get out of awkward conversation with my former best friend, and being told that I "used to be so nice in high school." I guess I wouldn't get elected senior class president if there was a re-vote. I'm not sure if that's better or worse than my friend who got "Wow, you're so nice. You were such a bitch in high school."

Sigh.

Off-setting my carbon footprint one worm at a time

2008-04-06T16:20:00.006-04:00

So. I have started an indoor worm composting bin. I went to a workshop about it at the public library last week. There were a surprisingly large number of people at the workshop and they were pretty much what you would expect people at a worm composting workshop to be like. Except they were were a little weirder and NOT good listeners. There must have been at least 3 people who asked questions which the presenter had already gone over and was also reiterated in the pamphlets they gave out.

Regardless, here are some pics of my first day of composting:

Basically, you take a box and drill air holes into it. Put lots of shredded damp newspaper (bedding) in. Throw in half a pound of red wiggler worms and there you go. I gave them a day to settle in and this morning I fed them some lettuce. Supposedly, it will take them a few weeks and then voila! I will have plenty of compost to keep my plants happy.

Oh yes, and my garbage (and carbon footprint) will be reduced since I'll be throwing all of my fruit & vegetable waste in with the worms.

OMG, MEATBALLS!!! redux

2008-04-06T15:18:00.012-04:00

The Third Annual Meatball Cookoff was held last weekend, and there were more contestants (and meatballs) than ever before. The prizes included trophies and the specially designed belt buckle.

This year's roster included:

Aarons Balls
Big Bill
The Sloan Rangers
White Trash & the Mexican
No Country for Old Meatballs
Oh Susannah, Don't You Cry for Meatballs
Puerto Rican Express
Spooky Booty
Jersey City

It was a tough competition, and the two-time champion got ousted in the first round. He was devatasted.

Final results:

Winner, judging rounds: Jersey City
Winner, audience favorite: No Country for Old Meatballs (our very own Dirty Cookie)
Ultimate winner in the final meatball taste-off: No Country for Old Meatballs

Congratulations to the 2008 Meatball Champion!

The flu that keeps on giving

2008-03-05T13:50:00.006-05:00

I have been sick for over 3 weeks (but it feels like a lifetime--I've been learning to live with my disability). There have been 3 phases of illness, for each of the 3 weeks:

Pain, fatigue and fever

Cough and phlegm

Congestion and copious amounts of snot (a/k/a more phlegm, just exiting my body by different means)

So during this time, I hit rock bottom. I went through numerous bottles of cough medicine. I found myself going home after work every day only to lay on my couch and watch bad television. I got sucked into American Idol. Even worse, I was watching the AI recap show on TV Guide channel. Yes, the TV Guide Channel. I also craved cherry Jello. I hadn't had Jello in years. I found great comfort in the stuff.

Anyway, I'm slowing inching towards a recovery and have resumed my social life. Although, while out, I still think about being home and watching TV. I plan to spend the remainder of my convalescence in Puerto Rico, where the warm sea air will do me good. Mojitos and plaintains can't hurt either.

The case of the haunted hair dryer

2008-01-27T22:30:00.000-05:00

The other night I woke up at 1:44am to a constant high pitched buzzing noise. I am no Nancy Drew, but the noise was really annoying so I got up and went into my bathroom to investigate. My hair dryer had somehow turned on (I leave it plugged in, but I know it wasn't on when I went to bed that evening) and apparently it had been on long enough to warm my bathroom by an additional 10 degrees or so.

Very weird.

I flicked the switch a few times until I was sure it was off and went back to bed.

Just as I was falling back asleep, I heard the hair dryer turn back on.

Now we're talking freaky.

I got up again, unplugged the blasted thing and brought it into the bedroom with me. It took me a while to get back to bed afterwards as I pondered the cause of this anomaly: I figured it must have been caused by a weird power surge or something. The hair dryer is pretty old too. Because if it was an intruder, why style your hair before robbing/attacking me? And if it was something of paranormal origin, why not turn the TV on instead? Or the lights?

Invertebrates, ew

2007-11-24T23:49:00.000-05:00

It's simple, I don't eat animals without a spine (read: most seafood.) This is one of the main reasons I don't fancy Chinese wedding banquets, which are about 10 courses of invertebrate goodness. I had the pleasure of attending one of these recently.

Here are some of the dishes served:

First course: lobster-slaw. Yeah, you heard me right. Lobster-slaw. Chunks of lobster mixed in with honeydew melon, cantaloupe and globs and globs of mayonnaise. Globs. And if you notice the two maraschino cherries protruding on either side of the lobster's head, they are not the same color because they were also FLASHING LIGHTS. Yep, flashing lights.

Could it be those flashing lights that made me nauseous, or the lobster slaw?

Second Course: Miscellaneous Seafood Platter. Those red things in the forefront are little be-tentacled creatures, possibly calamari. Honestly, those little guys almost pushed me over the edge. The noodle-y looking stuff in the middle is jellyfish. Not exactly sure what the cubed stuff to the left is. And on top is fried pork skin & fat.

We only stayed for two more courses: the gelatinous brown seafood soup with mysterious white bits (crab, perhaps?) and the slices of abalone covered in brown sauce.

Since I knew to expect an all seafood-all evening extravaganza, I made sure to eat some pizza beforehand. Which means that during the banquet, all I did was drink wine. Did I mention we were seated at the head table, up on a stage in front of the 100 or so other guests? I tried to look like I ate a little bit hoping no one got the (wrong) impression that I was the anorexic drunk relative. But that didn't matter once the Chinatown mafia MC and DJ crew got the party started and I saw middle-aged Chinese men put on pink felt cowboy hats and dance with imaginary lassos.

The important thing was that the bride and groom looked very happy and the groom did not remove her garter with his teeth.